Jasmine and her husband Nicholas Simmons have been married for 6 years and together for a dozen. The two met when Jasmine was a senior in high school and Nicholas was a freshman in college. They knew they wanted to have kids when they got married in 2015, but didn’t really have a timeline — they were young and Jasmine was busy pursuing her graduate studies in mental health.
Now, Jasmine is expecting her ‘rainbow’ baby after years of procedures, fertility treatments and a devasting miscarriage in 2020.
She’s determined to use her voice as a mental health therapist and as an African American woman, since people of color are so often left out of infertility.
Here’s her story:
Q: When did you know you may have an issue conceiving and what happened next?
When (Nicholas) and I got married in 2015, we never really had a timeline on when we would start trying to conceive since I was going into the graduate program to work on becoming a Mental Health Therapist and wanted to focus on that.
As a teenager, I knew something was off with my body when my weight would fluctuate and I would not have my menstrual cycle for months. I started to realize these situations were occurring for me around 2013, and even then I knew I may have issues down the line, but I put it so far back behind my mind.
In 2017 I was diagnosed with PCOS due to bloodwork showing that I am insulin resistant and the fact that my menstrual cycle was not present for months at a time. I was advised to see an endocrinologist, and we did one clomid cycle that failed. An HSG was done to check my tubes and it was discovered that I had a large septum blocking my uterus, which required surgery. The septum was removed and the doctor concluded that there was no way I could have conceived with the septum and if I did, I could have had many miscarriages.
The most challenging part was getting the ‘unexplained infertility’ diagnosis and not really knowing the reason why we couldn’t conceive. All my tests and my husband’s test came back fine.
After the surgery, we assumed we would be able to conceive; but nothing happened and we proceeded to try IUI treatments in 2019. All 3 IUI treatments failed and at this point we were told we had to move on to IVF. Since the state Maryland is mandated to cover fertility treatments (which eased the financial burden of IVF), we did 3 rounds of IVF in 2020.
The first IVF round lead to a miscarriage, which really broke me and my husband because we had been waiting for this moment for so longl. Our second round of IVF resulted in no embryos to transfer or freeze, and the third round of IVF brought us our miracle rainbow baby that I am currently pregnant with!
Q: What has been the most challenging part(s) of your experience struggling to conceive?
The most challenging part was getting the ‘unexplained infertility’ diagnosis and not really knowing the reason why we couldn’t conceive. All my tests and my husband’s test came back fine. It was heartbreaking to see negative pregnancy tests through all the time we tried to have a baby and not knowing if it would ever happen for us. After the miscarriage, I found myself losing hope and unsure if my body was capable of carrying a healthy baby. The whole experience felt like being trapped in the dark just waiting to come out.
Q: Women of color are often underrepresented when it comes to infertility- how are you changing that?
Women of color go through so much when it comes to families and meeting expectations. There is that shame that comes with discussing anything personal. This causes some women of color to feel alone when going through infertility, because there is no one in their families that has been honest about their own infertility or pregnancy losses.
As an African American, I am breaking the stigma by sharing my story on my Instagram page and I am constantly raising awareness to others around me. Also, I am very involved in the infertility community and began the “Diversify your Feed” and “Representation Matters” movements to help amplify BIPOC and bring attention to the fact that there were not enough women of color featured on pages, which continues to make women of color feel alone in the community..
Q: How have you dealt with any anxiety during your pregnancy?
I have always struggled with anxiety but it definitely was heightened after the miscarriage when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I really struggled with constant flashbacks and physical symptoms of anxiety.
To work through it, I had to focus on mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and journaling. Also, I like to engage devotional readings on the Bible App to help increase my hope and faith. Positive mantras and affirmations is another thing that I do, along with positive self talk.
Lastly, I attend therapy sessions to help manage my anxiety and to work through my emotions.
I have noticed that in pregnancy I am dealing with the pain from past loss and infertility so I have to balance my anxiety, fear and joy which is a challenge – but it’s important to give myself grace.
Women of color go through so much when it comes to families and meeting expectations. There is that shame that comes with discussing anything personal. This causes some women of color to feel alone when going through infertility, because there is no one in their families that has been honest about their own infertility or pregnancy losses.
Q: Is there anything else you would like to share?
I am a Licensed Mental Health Therapist and mental health is very important to me. My family is from Nigeria and I grew up in Nigeria as a child, so I value my culture and I want to learn about other cultures.
This is one of the reasons why I decided to share my story to show others from other cultural backgrounds that we have the power to be the narrative of our own stories and own it. I think it is so important for the infertility community to start to acknowledge different cultures and religious beliefs and learn how to support those women and men.
