Tiffany Jo Baker is a 3-time surrogate (twice with twins!) and blogger who is committed to helping couples navigate the often hard and stressful questions surrounding infertility like: how to cope with feeling alone, how to better connect with your spouse, and how your faith intersects with your fertility journey.
We spoke with Tiffany on why she became a surrogate, how her coaching helps couples and why she’s committed to sharing her journey with others.
Q: What motivated you to become a surrogate?
I remember it like it was yesterday. I told my friend we were pregnant with our 2nd and the look of intense pain and joy flashed across her face all at the same time. Right then I realized two things: 1) She was dealing with infertility, and 2) I had been given a gift. I thought to myself, “I would do that, I would carry someone else’s child.” And so my surrogacy journey began. Since then, I have carried five surrogate babies (2 sets of twins + 1 single precious baby girl) for three amazing families.
Although I have never dealt with infertility, I have undergone a lot of the treatments that those dealing with infertility have had to do. In my case, I’ve done 5 rounds of IVF, 2 dropped cycles, countless injections, D&C, hysteroscopies and more. I did this while walking alongside families trying to conceive.
Q: Why did you decide to document your surrogacy experience on your blog?How did people respond?
Throughout the first journey of carrying twin boys, those close to us (and those who found out what I was doing) were interested in the process and asked lots of questions, so I decided to document the second journey. Many women have told me they enjoyed reading about my journey along the way because either they have thought about being a surrogate, they didn’t have good pregnancies and are amazed when other people carry for others, or they are dealing with infertility.
Q: In all of your surrogacy journeys, what did you learn about fertility or infertility?
Oh goodness, I have learned so much. Although I have never dealt with infertility, I have undergone a lot of the treatments that those dealing with infertility have had to do. In my case, I’ve done 5 rounds of IVF, 2 dropped cycles, countless injections, D&C, hysteroscopies and more. I did this while walking alongside families trying to conceive. It has given me a very unique perspective and allowed me to bridge the gap between the two worlds.
Some of the strongest women I have ever met are the ones who have known that they were created to be moms, yet struggle to get pregnant or carry a healthy child to term. These women deal monthly with the grief of a dream, but look hopefully and faithfully to next month and the possibility of a positive pregnancy test. It’s really hard to understand if you are fertile or you don’t have a loved one who shares openly with you. In a world where people love to post perfect pictures, share all the great stuff that is happening, and measure success by their bank account, home or ride, it takes a strong woman to ask for help and share a struggle. Those that thrive through the process (even though it sucks) are those that have great support systems and ask and receive help from friends, family, their faith, and professionals along the way.
Some of the strongest women I have ever met are the ones who have known that they were created to be moms, yet struggle to get pregnant or carry a healthy child to term.
Q: What do you think is the biggest misconception about surrogacy?
In general, I think the biggest misconception or barrier to surrogacy (and even other routes of parenthood) is the thought process that “I would never do that.”
It breaks my heart when I hear couples say, “I would never do…”
It breaks my heart even more when I hear, “I wish we would have…”
I think so many of us limit how God works. We get a promise or a dream and we put a box or limit on HOW that dream is going to be fulfilled. Most often I believe that God works to fulfill promises through people, paths, and provisions we never expected. If I could give two words of advice it would be: 1) Don’t Quit, and 2) Be open to how your dreams will be birthed.